Needles Aren't My Forte
by Agent Frostbite
Summary: Nikki and Jazz have Trypanophobia. That's a fancy word for "Afraid of needles," and this fancy word apparently gives them licence to escape the MedBay unauthorized. Jemma and Ratchet have to figure out a way to get them down from their perch after they escape. Possibly OoC-ish. Slightly ridiculous. Not really enough of a crossover to be classified as such.


That was putting it nicely. On the one hand, Nikki would've been perfectly happy if no needles were used on her ever again. No syringes, no needles, no sharp, thin, pokey things. Nope. No thank you. On the other hand, she was seriously and/or possibly fatally injured, what, twice a month? At minimum. So needles were kind of normal for her. That didn't mean she had to like it.

And for something so trivial as a vaccine, Nikki didn't want to set herself off. Jemma Simmons, however, had absolutely no qualms about it and was happy to stick Nikki with the needle so she 'wouldn't get sick.' (Which was gonna happen anyway, whether or not Jemma stuck her, so why bother?)

Jazz, it seemed, was on very much the same boat. He was eying the exit as much as she was, and Nikki spotted an opportunity. She whispered to Jazz "I'm makin' a break for it. You comin' with?" He nodded, and they both made sure their respective attending physicians weren't watching before sprinting out.

Ratchet threw curses at Jazz as he chased him, and Jemma was barely avoiding doing the same as she went after Nikki. Somehow, the 'Bot was able to keep up with the human (Or the human with the 'Bot; knowing these two, it could've been either) and they dashed through the base. Surprisingly (Or sensibly), nobody else got involved with the chase.

Nikki took the lead sometimes, weaving through places that would've been too small for most 'Bots to get through, and Jazz took the lead sometimes, slipping through secret passages that were never intended to be used as such. Nothing shook the pursuers (Or at least, not for long.)

"We gotta find somewhere they ain't gonna follow us," Jazz said as they dashed away from the angry medics once again.

"Follow me!" Nikki shouted. She started to climb up one of the supports, and Jazz followed suit. They scrambled up to one of the cross-beams and stayed there. Sure enough, neither medic followed them up. "I think we'll be safe up here."

"You can't stay up there forever!" Jemma shouted. Nikki winced.

"And if I have to come up there and get you myself, Jazz, it's going to be very ugly!" Ratchet added. Jazz grimaced.

"We ain't cavin', right?" Jazz asked. Nikki shook her head.

"We're gonna hold out up here as long as we can," Nikki affirmed.

* * *

"Optimus!" Ratchet thundered. Optimus sighed and put down the report he was reading as the infuriated medic stormed in.

"Yes, Ratchet?" he asked.

"Your TIC, Jazz, just bolted out of the MedBay and climbed up to the rafters!" he shouted. Optimus raised an optic ridge. Jazz didn't seriously think of that, did he? "The human, Nikki, is with him." Ah. So that's where that idea came from. "I need him back in my MedBay, ASAP."

"Understood," Optimus replied as he walked out to find them. It wasn't hard. They were on a cross-beam near the middle of the main room and had attracted quite an audience. Knock Out was leaning against one of the support beams, servos crossed, a bemused expression on his faceplates.

"I've been trying to convince them to come down for the last breem," he informed the Autobot leader. "They're not budging, but feel free to try to get 'em down." Optimus vented, nodding. Why did this keep happening?

"Jazz..." he started. The TIC looked down at him, expression something between innocent and nervous. "Come down from there." The saboteur shook his helm. "You are going to have to come down at some point."

"Make it easier on yourself," Knock Out advised. Nikki answered for them both.

"If y'all want us, come up here and get us!" Optimus turned to look at Ratchet and Jemma. It wasn't a _bad_ idea, but it wasn't exactly the best. The two trypanophobic semi-spies hadn't left them with a lot of other options.

"Can't," Jemma answered the unspoken question. "If I go up there with a needle, Nikki's gonna bolt, and the last thing I need is for her to snap a leg miscalculating her landing in a desperate attempt to escape. If I send soldiers up there...that's just a recipe for disaster. I can't beat the ace up her sleeve that way."

"But you're holding all the cards," Knock Out pointed out.

"They have to come down sometime," Ratchet growled. "They can't stay up there forever." He stalked off. Optimus shook his helm. This was gonna take a while to fix.

* * *

Between the two of them, they caught every attempt to retrieve them. Ravage got caught climbing up the supports, and Nikki very validly pointed out that she wasn't gonna help him down when he got stuck. She also ordered him not to come (back) up and threatened to ground him if he did. He wasn't sure if she was gonna make good on that threat, but she had nothing to lose and he didn't really care (yet) how long she was up there.

None of the pranksters' tricks got high enough. Dart guns, water balloons, confetti, none of it. They were too high, and the objects didn't have enough velocity.

Ratchet occasionally left the MedBay and said that Jazz was making it worse for himself by doing this, and if he came down now, he'd be lenient. Jazz refused. Ratchet stormed off, and the cycle repeated about once an hour.

Jemma tried the kinder approach, but it was clear her patience was wearing thin as well. She said she was being kind, she was being understanding, that Nikki was making a bigger deal of this than she needed to. Nikki actually apologized a number of times, but still refused to come down. Her trump card was winning so far.

Everybody below was watching the mess play out with varying levels of amusement. Frenzy, Rumble, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Skids, and Mudflap were left laughing their afts off after each of Ratchet's outbursts, and skittered away when Ratchet glared at them.

It eventually got to the point wher Jemma called an emergency meeting in her office. Optimus, Ratchet, Lennox, and Prowl were there, and Jemma was pacing as she tried to puzzle out a solution.

"Obviously, they're intending on waiting up there for as long as possible, and if that's the case, we aren't getting them down until tomorrow evening, at least," she stated.

"And that's if they don't receive any assistance via smuggled items," Ratchet pointed out.

"Right. So we have to make them want to come down. We can't send anyone up there, and the earlier fiasco with the water balloons clearly rules out that solution," she continued.

"So how do we get Jane Bond and Jason Bourne down from there?" Lennox muttered. It was likely for humor, or just a thought to himself, but Jemma stopped in her tracks.

"What is it?" Optimus asked, sensing she'd just come up with something.

"Jane Bond..." she murmured. She snapped her fingers and turned to face them. "That's it! Those two can't resist pulling a spy stunt, especially if it's pranking someone."

"Jazz wouldn't risk capture just to prank someone," Prowl countered.

"Oh, this isn't going to be just anyone. It's gonna be the one guy whose life they want to make miserable," she corrected, a dangerous gleam in her eye.

* * *

Skye sympathized with them, and while she couldn't smuggle them anything physical, she _was_ able to provide them with info. Info like Galloway's surprise visit. The whole base was running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to prep the place. Nikki did feel kinda bad for not helping, but the moment they set foot on the ground, she knew they were screwed.

But Galloway wasn't supposed to be here for another two months, and they wouldn't have another opportunity for at least three if he showed. The plan was perfect, everything was set aside or set up. All they needed to do was a quick spy trip to get everything ready, then sit back and watch Galloway lose his mind.

This would, of course, require leaving their perch.

Nobody was paying attention, and even Ratchet and Jemma were busy getting everything ready. It was a perfect time. So, after about 10 minutes of discussion, they decided to risk it. The reaction would be so worth the risk.

They climbed down form the cross-beams when the room was the most empty, and after making sure no-one was paying attention to them, Nikki slipped away to get the tech, and Jazz slipped away to get the audio clips. This was gonna be epic.

Nikki snuck into the garage to get everything she'd stashed away almost a month ago. She checked and double-checked all of it before stealthily setting everything up. The places he would go, about ear height, she installed a mini speaker, something small and camouflaged enough that he wouldn't be able to see it, and he wasn't even looking for it.

Jazz downloaded the recordings from one of the computers near his room and met Nikki in the hangar bay. This would be where Galloway would arrive, and where he would set foot first. The problem was it should've been crawling with people. It wasn't. Nikki was all too eager to take advantage of the dry spell while it lasted, but Jazz knew there was something off.

That's when the medics came up behind them and dragged them - literally - kicking and screaming - also literally - to the MedBay. "It was a trick, wasn't it?" Nikki asked dejected.

"Yep," Ratchet replied, a little too cheerfully. Jazz muttered something under his breath in Cybertronian before Ratchet stuck him. Jazz yelped. "It barely hurt, you big sparkling," Ratchet chided. Jazz simply crossed his arms like a petulant human child and looked anywhere but Ratchet.

Nikki tensed up for the needle, and Jemma had to threaten to numb her arm before she reaxed. Jemma stuck her. "See? That wasn't so bad."

"I'm gonna camp outside your room tonight and we'll see if it 'wasn't so bad'," Nikki grumped. Jemma made a disappointed click and shook her head as she walked off to dispose of the syringe. "Am I released?"

"From the MedBay? Yes," Ratchet answered. "Both of you are."

"This is too easy..." Jazz said warily.

"Oh, this isn't the easy part, but I do recall A&R needing some help with sorting their paperwork," Jemma informed innocently.

"Somebody just shoot me now..." Nikki muttered as she hopped off the medical bed. Waiting at the door were Lennox and Prowl, all too happy to escort the two straight to A&R.

"Should've just got the shot," Lennox said. Niki glared at him as he led her off.


End file.
